Empty Cage

One thing I didn’t really think about with my whole OS switch is the comaptibility with my single most favourite program. Paint Shop Pro 8. I think everyone finds a graphics franchise they like and they stick to it. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong, but now I’m stuck in a bit of a pickle, I can’t design websites right now to save my life. Not that I was the graphics queen before, but this certainly hasn’t helped. I shudder to say the Magical Mystery Tour Fanlisting is finished because it looks terrible, I ripped off the Felicity Worthington layout, and stuck a new (ugly) header up there.

I’m looking at Empty cage now knowing it needs a new look and simple a lot of tender loving care that I wish I had the time and energy for. Of all my courses you’ll be pretty surprised to know that it is Latin that is kicking my ass the hardest. And beyond Empty Cage, I want to update and optimise (to the point of validation) all of my websites, and shrine them… and… and… make more. I’ve also, as I mentioned before promised websites to two other people. I feel bad that I don’t have the bug to do anything website right now. Blargh.

To be honest I don’t feel much like doing anything. I log on the internet, the hours vanish, but I just feel a bit tired of… stuff…

There you go. certified crazy. I want to just be as smart as I know I am capable of but I’m too damn lazy for it. I think I need to get more exercize, let my brain move a bit more. Make myself more alert and stuff, I felt smarter when I was in Europe and on the go.

I have been an absolutely terrible webmistress lately, and for that I apologise to the unviewers that I have. Normally I’m an addictive website owner, but lately I haven’t been feeling it. Not that anything will be happening to Empty Cage, I love this little domain too much for that. But sluggishness in everything should be expected.

Despite the well meant advice from Amber (I really do listen to everything you say and take all of your advice) I will be hosting some people on here. There is way more space then I could ever possibly use. I won’t have a whole page and applications and stuff, but people like Josephine and Vanessa (as well as anyone I know in life) are more than welcome to ask me for some room. Strangers can too, I suppose, but I’ll be kind of picky.

For current web projects, I’m working on a website for the UPSA (my University’s Undergraduate Philosophy Association) and Shadow RO, a Ragnarok Server I’m on. Likely these two layouts will be very similar. Then of course the Magical Mystery Tour Fanlisting. I just need to work out the details. From there it’s all about Cursed and Empty Cage.

Check out my new Linux guide though.

I have a lot of ‘real life’ sort of updates today (including some web ones, but let’s focus on me haha) and, despite the fact that Syd, my laptop is not yet back from the shop, I can type fairly well on this IBM, even though it sounds positively terrible. It’s on it’s last legs for sure. So, let us begin!

I have finally started school first of all, which is tons of fun in and of itself. I am officially a Philosophy student at the University of Ottawa! A grand school in our nations capital the campus is beautiful, and I’m still a bit haggard from ‘101 week’ which is what they call frosh week. I’m still a non-drinker (I hate the taste, though I have had a few drinks to keep the peace with some rambunctious drunk people), but it is so much motion, and so much meeting, that for someone like me it gets exhausting! I went to maybe half of the events.

Because I’m forcing myself not to be a social recluse here, as I usually am, my goal has been to find venues that I’m comfortable in and meet people, as well as trying to get to know people in my classes in an effort to if not find a ‘best friend’ have people that I could hang out with should I feel so inclined. So far I’ve had some moderate success in this — there’s a pretty nice looking guy in my Latin class who I talk to all the time, and a nice, albeit hyperish girl in my English class who has me in stitches the entire class.

I also try to go to the Thursday night Philosophy Discussion Groups, allowing me to observe people and their theories — this being the only venue that I drink at (if even this!) as we do hold it in the basement of a pub, and I get offered about thirty drinks a night, usually I pull what Andrew would call a ‘Sue Saunderson’ and accept one drink and nurse it all night. Normally I’d be all ‘fierce I don’t drink’ but I’m legal, and I find people get very standoffish and defensive if you just don’t drink, as if because you don’t drink you expect them to not drink. To be honest, I don’t really care too much, but it’s a subconscious thing, and I’d rather not have people be chilly towards me because of my choice. One beer over the course of about four hours once a week doesn’t really concern me too much. As far as I’m concerned it doesn’t even really count, I find I still have about half a glass by the time I leave, which someone else is more than happy to relieve me of.

Other than that, I don’t know if I mentioned on here, but I bought myself an electric guitar this summer! It’s a Seafoam Green Fender Squier, a good solid beginner’s instrument I hear, and I got it really cheap. Andrew provided an amp, and after getting some picks, a patch cord, and a headphone adaptor I find I can kill hours with it. I’m not really following a course or tutorial or taking lessons. In fact, usually I just dig up a tab, and try playing it until it sounds right. Mostly, though, I love to just sit, close my eyes and pluck the strings randomly and see what sort of sounds the thing can make, trying to come up with words for the sounds. If I didn’t have headphones I’m sure my room mate would commit suicide while I did this. Because it isn’t really music, just sound. So far my only accomplishment was finding a way to play power chords comfortably. While Dan showed me how to play them ages ago it was always a painful hyper extention for me, and I was worried my hands were simply too small for the instrument. Did I need a children’s guitar? God I would have lost it, after all, Andrew and Daniel always laugh, because I had to hold a PS2 controller with one hand hooked over the top to hit all the right buttons! Fortunately, after playing with the angle I held the instrument at, I managed to find a comfortable way to play power chords. All-in-all, I’ve really been enjoying learning to play the guitar, I’m absolute rubbish, and can only play things like ‘the intro to Daytripper, Smoke on the Water, and Smells like teen Spirit’ but it’s relaxing for me, and helping me with my goal of not always being on the internet.

My classes are all great except English. English is ‘essay writing’ and we’re currently reviewing nouns and verbs. Yes, seriously! In a University course I am learning that an adjective describes a noun. Other than that I have Philosophy Critical Thinking and Reasoning, History 1500s-1900s, Latin I, and Technical Theatre I. I’ll write more on my courses later, suffice to say, I’m in them, I enjoy them, and only two are big enough to be in lecture halls.

In my little web kingdom, I have (obviously) successfully moved hosts. My next steps involve filling the domain (still!) and changing the entry classification system (use a mix of tags and categories), moving Cursed onto a CMS so I’ll actually be inclined to update. It is my hope to get Cursed completely up-to-date with the finishing of the manga. I want it perfectly comprehensive so I can leave it alone. As well as a new layout. Next I want Loyalties to be a proper shrine, so it will likely also move onto a CMS. I’m looking at Chyrp, if anyone has any input on that. As Amber mentioned Wordpress is pretty heavy duty. Finally, Wonderland, and Enigma are my last two on my immediate to-do list.

Anyways, I do have more to add, like my need to get a job, my trials getting into a computer course, my deepest desire to take driving lessons, and how badly studying for my A+ Technician exam is going, but I need to get ready for Latin. Cheerio.

I haven’t written a ‘heartfelt’ blog since I returned from the UK, so I guess, here’s one. It should be brief because I have things I need to get done today and a whole pile of documentation to write for my mother with regards to her website.

I guess the title of this entry should say it all — or most of it at least. I’m standing on the edge of a number of things right now, and I’m still not sure how comfortable I am with the whole situation. School is obviously the biggest one, as I’m watching the frantic days flutter by I wonder what the hell is going to happen to me come August 30th.

And there’s been nothing but hassles getting into school, it is absolutely mental all the stuff I’ve had to do — you’d think after paying several thousand dollars they’d be able to hire enough people to not make this a nightmare. Currently I’m in two random courses just so I’m “billed properly” which, I have to admit scares me. They’re more concerned about my billing than me actually being in courses I want to be in. Soo… Ancient Greek civilisation and… Chinese… here I come. And for the record, I don’t know a word of Chinese, so, this should be fun. The Greek course, despite my love of history, doesn’t really hold my intrigue at all. So there you have it, good thing I’m being billed properly.

Motherdear also inists I take an essay writing course, which makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little. Despite my major I’m taking two Philosophy courses and three English ones.

Bah.

I have more to say, but work to do.

My cousin Brian is getting married, and because of this I will spend the next five days in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I wouldn’t mind so much but for my mother being a bit of a busybody and being forced into a part of the wedding party. That is to say, I’m going to be spending all of my time here doing wedding things, and none of it just relaxing. I miss looking forward to my summers.

After this wedding it’s straight to the cottage, so I may be forced to whip up a temporary layout for the Magical Mystery Tour on my Aunt’s computer (A Mac! Eek!) so I don’t get in trouble with TFL… again. I am TFL’s worst nightmare. All else fails, it will be a classic black Times New Roman on white. Blue links that turn purple when you visit them, etc. etc. The Cheshire Cat’s fanlisting is only a temporary layout.

I think it will be September when I finally go link hunting for all of my websites, and get to finishing off all these shrines I want to build. With Amber off the Bloodlust project, I need to talk to Ange, and if she’s off too then it’s pretty much set that Bloodlust will be a shrine — Kawada is looking to be the most likely target.

But before that comes In Wonderland, which has a Wordpress installation and that’s juuuust about it. But I just e-mailed Crystal, so hopefully that will be up by September!

Anyways, I probably have more to say, but it’s not coming to me.

Anyone else here look back fondly on their childhood and find when ponder growing up they simply think ’Wow, if I had known this was going to happen I would never have eaten my vegetables.’ I miss the days when summer meant doing whatever struck my fancy (within vague reason) and whenever I wanted to. If I wanted to sit on a computer all day I did, and if I wanted to run wild through the streets of Uxbridge, well, that was another option.

 Now, my summers are like a preview to ‘the real world’, I wake up at some heathen hour, drive an hour, work all day, drive an hour home, and have no desire to live much less do anything productive, then sleep on edge, because I know the very next day I will be jarred awake at 6:30AM. Rinse, repeat, every day, all summer. Summer is really no more special than any other season to be honest, but our society have given summer standing above all for no reason

Go, winter, go!

Anyways, apart from whining about my job, I’ve been trying to pick my courses for Uni, but it looks like all my compulsory credit courses are filled in the fall semester, making me wonder if, perhaps, I’ll have one course in Autumn, and nine in the winter, which would not be cool at all. I have to call University of Ottawa and find out what I’m supposed to do. I’m hoping to get into a Latin course, and I think I’m the only one ever that finds the idea of one cool.

In the universe of web, I’m going to recode everything… and I mean everything. As well as hopefully update layouts as well and simply make Empty Cage able to make it part of the way through validation before it says ‘funk this’ My coding is abysmal! Thank god for Amber who is my Web Guru, and has been helping me all the way along. Hopefully one day E-C.NET will look pretty.

I am at work. I was working up until a few minutes ago, when I finished and Rob (my boss) is nowhere to be found. I think he’s in a meeting. So, I’m working in a warehouse for my dad’s company, and let me make it perfectly clear, I did not and do not want this job. In fact, I would sorely like to pluck my own eyes out. I haven’t really had female contact in months, and no Andrew to bring out my feminine side (no, there’s nothing insulting about that, read it again). Everyone here is really pretty gangstahhh and no wonder, I’m in Scarborough… I seriously need some ‘peeps’ My job involved unpacking wireless access points (for large stores like Loblaws) labelling them, and scanning them. Rinse repeat. I’m supposed to learn how to progam these things eventually, but that’s taking a bit longer than planned. It’s an hour commute to and from work. I am not pleased. It’s nice to spend some quality time with dad in the car though. I guess. Albiet, not nice enough to keep the job, my eyes are peeled. $10/hour working 8-5… pain pain pain.

I have a new much loved band called ‘Mad Staring Eyes’ (look them up on mySpace — and while you’re at it visit Sean Dineley at Huck’s Fin) I got their album from a band member at Pearson International while I was picking up my bag, he asked me to come to his show, but I didn’t listen to the CD until yesterday so I missed them, now I’m disappointed! Hahaha! That’s where the entry title comes from by the way, it seemed oddly fitting.

I had my photos taken for some movie audition thing, it was most insane, the photographer was insanely complimentary, I often wonder if that is obligatory in photographers, flatter the hell out of everyone who comes near you. At any rate it was interesting to watch and participate in. They talked about how my face would work for a part if I had bigger bags under my eyes and I stopped just shy of saying ‘Give me a few more weeks at this job, and I’ll give you bags.’

Still no word from Jamie, I’m trying to decide if sending a second e-mail looks like obsession. I abhor crushes.

I almost worked on websites last night but I spoke to Samantha on MSN, and she happened to be playing Pokemon, and obviously I then had to get my DS, and I played it most of the night. So anyone looking for website updates, blame her! Not me!

I’m thinking of learning to play the acoustic guitar that has migrated into my room.

I have been planning a new layout for this place but I cannot come up with how I want it to look, so I’m sitting here being a bit crippled. This layout makes me want to be back in the UK, and even if I consider it the best layout I have ever made it’s still a bit awkward to keep it up now that I’m back in Canada.

 I’ve been so restless lately. So awkward coming back to this place.

I’m back in Canada.

I guess the word I would use to describe how I feel right now is wistful. I think it was the second grade when I first looked that word up in a dictionary because I had stumbled upon it in a number of books ’sad, as if longing for something’ and when I thought of the word I thought of a maze with invisible walls. You can always see the prize but the work to reach it is astounding. But let’s not make this an angsty entry.

Going abroad, I need to make some final comments on it, until I return next summer. And believe me, as long as I still have a good Visa I will be returning.

Going to the UK by myself in February has certainly been a learning experience. In fact, that’s what it was more than an job, holiday, or anything else I expected it to be. It was school for me, my remedial classes in life, and I needed them badly. As we can see by the trials, and triumphs.

The first thing, and likely most painful thing I learned is that sometimes the best friends you will ever make in your entire life you’ll meet once and never again. You have to accept this or you’ll go crazy. For all the contact details I’ve accumulated, I’ve only got a fraction of the people I’ve met. And of those I do have most will drift away, even if they are people who I will never make better friends with.

I’ve learned that courage is a rare and valuable virture, and the valour is something irreplacable in humankind. And you have to live with as much bravery as you can. You have to be shameless in throwing yourself into life or you lose so much in the experience. I hope I have enough courage to make my life one of greatness.

I’m so jetlagged, I can’t seem to get the rest of this entry out.

Excuses, excuses.

Well, I guess now is the point in which I finish talking about my trip and talk about my homecoming. Home… such a relative term. Anyways.

 At Munich I also toured Dachau, the other concentration camp on my mission. I took a guided tour and it wasn’t quite as moving as Sachausen, but I learned a whole heap more about sort of what when on in the camp itself. On the whole Munich was a pretty average place to visit. I would recomend it to people who actually drink unlike yours truly.

Keyboards in Germany are bizarre. The letter ‘Y’ and the letter ‘Z’ are actually switched, so it was nearly impossible for me to type anything. In Munich I met an Aussie lady travelling actually with her daughter, I tried to imagine how that would go for me and my mom, and who would try and drown whom first in the beer garden.

There were some other strange things in Germany though, like every cup has a line on it to show exactly where, say o.4 litres is so they don’t accidentally give you too much soda, as well, most bathrooms have an automatic seat cleaner, which, after you flush, wipes down the seat with what looks like a wet napkin. So strange, and yet, so German. My German was terrible as expected.

My thoughts are scattered again, so apologies for another entry that seems disconnected, my mind is missing today. I’m just so… But nevermind.

From Germany I went down to Italy, stopping in a small Austrian town in the Alps. It was pretty, but we only stopped there half an hour. I think it was called St. Johannes or something. Regardless, very picturesque… but of course… I have no pictures of it.

Yea, my second camera was stolen in Venice. Go me. Ugh.

Anyways, Venice was quite interesting, but beautifully terrifying. When they say you ‘get lost in Venice’ this is not some sort of romantic sentiment, this is cold hard fact. You will get lost in Venice. I went into the city thinking I’d spend two or three hours just chilling in the city — seven hours later when I found the train station again. Haha. But yea, camera with all of my pictures from the trip… gone. Figures.

Venice is stange and terrifying with an hundred small streets and alleys the walls are all high so it’s almost impossible to navigate properly, and with all the mask shops and other rather eerie looking places it really is a bit of a creepy city. Though it is interesting to go into a shop and see some Italian painting a mask right there on the front counter. Seriously, genuine Venetian or what? I wish I had someone to talk to in Venice though because I felt very alone the whole time. My Visa stopped working for awhile whilst I was there too, thus leading to a little unbridled terror for one of my days in Venice.

The ‘hostel’ in Venice was actually a camp site, right by the airport. Yes, all night it was awesome all you could hear was ‘VAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!’ of the airplanes going overhead. And, my room mates who left on the first day left something rank in the room. Venice was, on the whole a place I was a bit uncomfortable in. I want to go back, but not alone, which is odd for me.

 From Venice I hit Rome which was a bit on the surreal side I have to admit. Oh, look, there’s the Collseum, and… the Forum… and the Pantheon… and a hundred amazing buildings and… well let’s face it, the city oozes awesome from it’s ancient pores. Seriously, if walking London is like walking a novel, walking Rome is like walking a history text book. Who knew the Pantheon was now a Christian church, because I certainly didn’t. Seems, I don’t know, ironic or something.

Vatican City was impressive to say the least, so extravagent, sort of like Versailles, where you sit there thinking no wonder it couldn’t last forever without some serious trouble. I even got to see the real version of my favourite painting, ‘The School of Athens’ by Raphael. And the pope paid for my lunch. Indirectly of course.

I go to the cafeteria and pick up a modest lunch, noting that they take Visa, as to be honest I never had more than 5 Euros cash all through Italy, anyways, I go to pay and wouldn’t you know it, the Visa machine isn’t working. I ask where the nearest ATM is, and she says there isn’t one in the Vatican. I’m starving and probably look it, because she mutters something in Italian and runs off, coming back with a manager looking guy, and they basically say ‘Go eat.’ so there we are free lunch.

Okay.

Sorry this entry is lacking my usual charisma, but my heart isn’t really in it right now. I really want to relate all these stories to you properly, but I’m so dejected about returning to Canada just opening up Wordpress seemed unapealing to the point of nauseating.

Now everyone’s mad because I don’t want to come back, but it’s not the people I don’t want to come back to. It’s that I’ve fallen for this stupid country quirks and all. Everything from the robolady on the Chyuuube, to driving on the wrong side of the road, to the lifts. And I love all you nutty Canucks back home, but this is the place I feel like I should be, and leaving it is hard.

Back to packing.