Empty Cage

Just not websiteing much.

I’m going to confess, in elementary school and high school I was never really a mathy kid. Quite the contrary in fact, I think it was the fourth grade where my computational skills were markedly slower than all the other little kids… and I knew it. I seem to recall reasoning along the lines of ‘this is why we have calculators’. But in elementary school calculators are the infinitely dirty word of the school system. Computation is key, and if you’re behind in math, well maybe it’s just not your thing.

I have since learned that Math probably was my thing.

After all, I was a lifelong lover of science (and wisdom haha). I loved logic and reasoning puzzles. I liked when things worked out logically, solving problems and was always in awe of the world I was a part of. It was sort of my thing, the nerd. I think this was how I eventually ended up in Philosophy. Math was definitely not my thing, and you can’t go into science or technology without math, and so I found myself in Philosophy arguably the most scientific of the arts.

I remember so clearly in high school, you are either in the science stream or the arts one. Period. You’re either an impractical hippie or a humourless drone. Job, or soul. Like its some kind of either or thing. And for me the rock in the road was always the mathematics. I could build a computer program in grade 10, but I was completely an artsie. Obviously. I took history and stuff, and always had my ass handed to me in math.

When you want to understand the all encompassing everything though these lines make things difficult. And this all started when I couldn’t multiply as fast as the others in the fifth grade.

It started to occur to me over the past few years that math is something interesting. I took Pre-Calculus last year under the pretence of needing it for a Computer Science Minor (technically true, but I could have minored in any number of things that wouldn’t have needed math). I’d been under some sort of personal conviction that mathematics was something that I should be good at.

I still had my ass handed to me.

The difference was I wasn’t left hopeless and convinced I wasn’t a math kid. I actually came out curious, yeah, okay, marks did not reflect but my memories of the class were a barrage of equations, minimal explanations, hellfire, all at eight thirty in the morning. Not the prof (actually a grad student)’s fault, tons of material, no time etc. But I think what I won there was a springboard and the confidence to keep going, despite my GPA begging I stop being so cruel to it.

And so I think, Philosophy of Math, Philosophy of Science, Philosophy of Technology. These things all exist. The thought of Physics and Philosophy makes me giddy, string theories, movement. Unfortunately this is all stuff I have to go backwards to learn so that I can apply ideas to what I think. Because back in High School I was an artsie kid, and taking science or math would only serve to drop my average and then no university would ever take me. And besides– a structured major at any University is not open to this idea, they want you to learn Science or Philosophy. One or the other, take your pick.

This is the part that gets me. I’m going to school to learn. Obviously. This is what school is for. But I am not allowed to learn what I want to learn. Instead I have to hedge around what I have an aptitude for to keep my GPA in check, or my average high. So I was told I wasn’t good at math, yeah, I still would probably take a few minutes to recall 7×8 but math and science aren’t even close to being about that. I understand why they have to do this, not every student — hell — most students don’t want to learn. They want the paper, the degree or the diploma and I can accept that. But I think as far as those of us who want to learn we have been put in the most hostile environment of all time.

I am suddenly getting my writing back, part due to my dismay over people in real life in general, and partially because some of the characters in my head are starting to take shape. This is so exciting.

P.S.

Ignore the new layout, the white was blinding me but DAMNIT I can’t design any more. I also coughed up $60 so Amber and I can have another wonderful year of hosting.

Most people who know me know of my unhealthy love of all things Alice in Wonderland. A fandom that is generally a ragtag bunch that has never made much of a splash on the internet. But, whatever, right, I can sit and fangirl over pretty much anything I like. Of course, now that Tim Burton has turned his sights on Alice everyone else is paying attention again.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to make of this film. On one hand, I’m a secret Tim Burton fan (secret because I have this phobia of being one of those gloomy emo kids). Yes, I USED to come pretty close to that classification in the good old day (though, for the record I was pretty sure I was a goth and never wore skinny jeans), but I like to think I’ve cheered up a bit. Inversely, his dark-artistic-goodness never fails to please the part of me that still wears black boots that lace up to my knees. And I know I know, ‘all his movies are the same thing’ its so full of ‘dark side gimmicks’ it makes you a bit ill, but damnit, I like Alice and I like darkness so why am I not allowed to enjoy the hell out of this film?

I’ve been saving watching the trailer of this movie for quite awhile now. I wanted it to be at the perfect time. I still haven’t seen it, but I’m starting to think that waiting is going to build it up as something more than a clip reel of the only scenes worth watching. I will fucking cry if this movie sucks, just a warning. Like actually cry, in the open. And I know, Tim Burton, don’t get hopes up… but really. I want for it to be good so badly.

Unfortunately I don’t know many people who are as excited about all things Alice as I am. But one of them has been plotting an Alice website with me for awhile, and I think now would be the time to make it if ever we are going to.

Oh, what shall I do if this movie is crap?

Far be it from me to do more hate-mongering on the internet, as it is already one of those scary places where I am one of the few people left asking if we could ‘Give Peace a Chance’, but I do have to finally and openly express something that I truly hate more than anything else, and that something is Movie Tie-In Covers.

Go to your nearest bookstore (print this entry out if need be) and start looking at book covers. Notice, for the most part how pretty they are, they’re supposed to entice you to buy the book by expressing the whole essence of the book in a single image. It is debatable as to how successful a process this is, but at the very least the cover tries to sell the book based on its own merits as a piece of fiction.

So when they slap a movie poster on the cover of a perfectly good piece of fiction I get irrationally angry. The movie is never as good as the book, and really the poster serves to identify the good looking actors in the movie (who don’t appear in the book, only the characters do–a bit of a let down for some I’m sure).

The exception is Sookie Stackhouse, she can KEEP her movie/TV show tie in covers.

So I’m off breaking the rules right now and reading other people’s blogs to figure out how “grown-ups” go about reporting their mundane lives like every second is action packed. I am, of course, starting to seriously consider lying to get an interesting blog. In fact, I’ve been planning for awhile the thought of a blog that is actually completely fanciful, but written completely seriously sort of like.

I talked to my pal Ghnugh from Mars the other day. Sheeeet. He says the food in Mongolia is terrible, and really, I’m not too shocked by this meaningful revaluation. Perhaps I am dead on the inside. In other news, I broke into the innermost vault at the Royal Bank of Canada to find all they store in there is bananas with seeds. Go figure right?

Etcetera. Etcetera. That was before I realised that I’m missing the point. These bloggers take themselves just as seriously as I do. I spend almost as much time as they do scraping together the little details of my life into something legitimately readable. For me its more an attempt to take stock of how sardonic my take on the world is before I start turning into a bleary angry mole person. That and if I ever want to write my best seller which I will totally post on the internet because that is the only publicity… man… I need all the practise I can get. (Whoops, my bad, taking a shot at the ‘Author Bloggers’ again). Here I am working on stopping my hate fest and I just can’t do it.

The problem is I am a totally schizophrenic blogger. Some days I want to be the ‘oh woe is me, this is my internet outlet, hear me whine’ writer then the next I’ve decided to be the ‘professional purpose driven, look I even have a mission statement’ reporter. Between those two comes the ‘hate filled everyone if stupid but me’ blog which usually has a perky review the next day. So, basically Empty Cage is a big huge steaming poo most of the time because I have no focus whatsoever.

Of course then I sit around thinking “Well, Jesus, I should just pick one and build me a niche” (preferably by violently clawing competition out of the niche and cuddling my blogger’s bottom in there). But then, I would need several other blogs to accommodate all of my mood swings, and really, I don’t update this (or my defunct livejournal) enough to legitimately need another blog. We happily return to square one.

I think my writer’s “voice” is best suited to a critical blog. My reviews and rants tend to be more interesting then when I try to make an interesting case for reading about my day, but even that is perilous because then you need to both have something to write about, as well as be in a constant state of either rage, disdain or both. And while this is usually the case for me I wouldn’t want to enragggggge any customers because I one day decided to mention how much I lovey-wuv my life. And by customers I mean readers, and by lovey-wuv I mean don’t hate.

At least I haven’t sold out and started paid-blogging yet. I can keep my goatee and indie scarf a few more months yet. Maaaaaaan. (More being mean to real bloggers — wheeee!) But maybe I should I could do with writing a comedic piece on some randomly selected keywords. Shit, maybe I need to stop.

What does all this circle talking mean? Mostly that we should be watching for me trying on different blogging hats for the next few weeks/months/years until people actually read my blog. Righto.

Okay, well, forgive me, but if Quill & Quire’s whole best seller page is being eaten by paper thin terribly written vampires I think an intervention needs to be staged.

As I understand it, Twilight is one of those book conglomerates that you either love to the point where you leave your boyfriend (or… girlfriend, not be be gender exclusive) for the idea that ‘Edward’ might really be out there somewhere and not gay or married (as all the ‘good men’ allegedly are) or you hate Twilight more than Hitler and the Teletubbies combined. It’s a really toss up. I’m sure it doesn’t take a garbage man to figure out what camp your noble writer falls into.

Not that I don’t understand reading books that are wholly self indulgent and hold little-to-no literary value whatsoever. I read Battle Royale and I liked it god damn you, and no one can take that from me. And if you liked Twilight and its bastard half vampire offspring then I’m not going to shun you for having poor taste. But I think lines need to start being drawn in the sand. Like every gay basher, racist, and Twilight hater I’m going to preface this entry by saying I have friends who love Twilight, I don’t dislike them for this I just simply think their fanaticism is misplaced. Especially when Trainspotting exists, now Sick Boy, there’s a character to lust after.

The problem I have is like a visible and clearly isolated example of the problem I have with society in general. At least, its one of them. (Oh the humanity, a society rant, kill me right?) I hate that people tolerate having a big huge target painted on their backs. The fact that there is practically a mathematic formula for crap that people will throw their money at scares the shit out of me. And the fact that Stephanie-fucking-Meyer cashed in on it before I got the chance to, that also pisses me off. For a culture so proud of moving forward in toleration of differences people can still outwit us and return us to the base question ‘Is this what I want, or is that what other people want me to want?’

I’m a firm believer that we should not have to dumb down society to keep up with its slower members. But when a whole shelf of the bookstore is set aside for Vampire Lit it amazes me that people think ‘Oh let’s buy this!’ rather than ‘People with too much money are cashing in on the fact that one author had success.’

As always this returns me to my pet rant of the improper use of media. We have so many ways to transmit information, so many outlets, and granted, we can’t all write thoughtful and insightful pieces all the time (I, for example, never do) but I feel as though with so much thought power and access we are wasting creativity. Don’t get me started on the homogenization of the games industry I may cry or something.

Anyways, I should get back to being productive, I just needed to type a bit of that out.

Well, let me tell you, oh unsympathetic internet, I have become greatly behind in my summer reads — and you know who I blame for this? The Sims 2, curse them and their little personal dramas which are, in sum total more interesting than my life currently is. I blame the accursed University Expansion pack and all that it stands for. Not really, it’s been a nice distraction for me. I also finished reading Fight Club, which was fucking epic in every way to Sunday. I wish to god I hadn’t seen the movie first because I knew the ending, and was just anticipating it. Cuuuuuurses. Fantastic book though, five stars. I’m going to write a review for it eventually maybe, but right now I’m not feeling it. I’m not feeling much in my review box right now, I don’t know why… I think it’s because I’m reading old books and reviews feel redundant. “Personally, I feel the Communist Manifesto lacked a certain– je ne sais quois… and it needed a little salt.” But I digress, this is the problem with reviewing is getting caught up on classics everyone knows the book is good (or at least cultured which is equally acceptable).

I’m not sure if I have the internet up to date, but I’ve read 5 of my summer books, and mostly done Clockwork Orange for number six. From there I have an ultra spiffy Advanced Reading Copy (ARC) of Libba Bray’s new book Going Bovine which sounds strangely like I wrote it and forgot. Yes, its that absurd. Speaking of which I have been trying to do some writing, but as usual there are too many stories in my head and I don’t know which to get started on. I’d like to think one will pull away from the pack as being a fly away best seller so I don’t need to find a job, but that’s about as likely as me doing any form of exercize beyond blinking and walking. I have mastered the art of lazy.

Aaaaand apparently UOttawa wants $30 from me for reasons henceforth unknown. Probably all those times I locked myself out of residence which I was pretty sure I had paid for. Not too keen on that. But, but, but. L.A. finally got back to me and I may actually have a place to live next year. Hurrah and suchlike, beause I was starting to worry I was going to have to like on the street like most of my fellow philosophers (oh snap?) Fingers crossed this doesn’t fall through (again!) and I actually am not street bound, or Stanton bound. I was already senior citizen enough in res without adding another year on top of that. All those little seventeen-to-eighteen-year-olds scoffing at old twenty-almost-twenty-one year old, not nice.

I think I finally figured out what I’ve been doing wrong with Enth3 that it doesn’t e-mail me anymore, I think I have an extra “\” in there somewhere throwing off the space-time continuum. But let’s not talk about my Fanlistings, they all look like arse and it depresses me. Especially the Magical Mystery Tour — who let me put it on the internet looking like that? It looks so drab and more of ‘A Detailed Tour of Saskatchewan’ then anything Magical or Mysterious. (Sorry Saskatchewan, it’s just so easy…)

Anyways, I want to get to the bookstore so I can fix up some shelving and make a few bucks given no where in Southern Ontario will give me a job. So, I’m signing off.

This entry has nothing to do with reading, I’m almost done number four, but I don’t want my blog to be all book reviews (especially since I haven’t really gotten the hang of how to write a good review).

Does anyone remember MySpace? (Ha ha, internet snob joke). I have one, I’m serious, I don’t really “use it” (because very few honestly claim they still use their myspace) I do find it interesting that I have 41 friends on myspace and 281 on Facebook, which do YOU think is closer to the truth. But as I recall my myspace always had the default layout because I couldn’t be arsed to write a whole entire style sheet for one. (Oh, the horror, I know).

Anyways, my wonderful friend Sean, who is a brilliant guitarist has asked me to redesign his HisSpace… MySpace ish (http://myspace.com/hucksfin). And I’m just now trying to learn how to work this system. I mean it used to be retina scalding blue with a MS Paint banner, so I can’t do worse than that… but there are slight differences that are holding up the creative process. And I feel terrible because I really want this to look great for Sean. I’ve been thinking something in warm colours like brown and taupe, but I’m kind of just making this up. At any rate, I’d advice you to listen to his tunes, they’re great — not so much my style, but Sean and I have agreed to disagree on our music tastes. Like myself and Andrew, we like all the same bands but all opposite tracks.

In other news, I’m almost ready go face redesigning Empty Cage, and stop hiding behind Amber and the nice people at skindownloadland. Amber’s layout was way nicer than this one, but I’ve suddenly fallen in love with lighter layouts, and wanted EC to be bright for a bit. I’ve been reading a lot about webdesign the past little while because I’ve been wanting to evolve how all my websites look. I mean, comparing In Flames to Valour pretty much says it all for my web transformation.

The plan is that Empty Cage will become almost exclusively blog, hub, and personal details (with maybe some writing and stuff — but I have a fiction press account and a deviant art account that I can use for that…).  Let’s face it, what more was EC ever, really? My guides are entirely too smarmy to be much worth anything. And really, the blog is the only part I ever feel like updating. I hope to have http://27.empty-cage.net up soon for a small portfolio to show the people mum throws at me when they want a website designed. I want the root of the domain to be for me, but showing off the whining in my blog might be bad for business. Plus I’d feel like a twit sticking prices on here, given I am asses at webdesign compared to most of my friends — the only advantage I have is a good manager.

I hope to add more character Fansites to Empty Cage, and I think my next major project is Loyalties (the Regulus Black Fanlisting) while I polish off the Inuyasha manga at One Manga so Cursed can be properly done, and finish the Sailor Moon SNES game so I can finish that page for In Flames. Reducing EC to minimums gives me the time to focus on all my other pages that need some loving. I think one day I’d love to create a ‘full domain manager thing’ where the premise would be like wordpress but it can also create and manage all your subdomains. So, one log in panel and I can tweak a page on any site. Something like this probably already exists, but I’ve never seen it.

I’m getting back into my C++ again (which isn’t helpful for websites, but I enjoy it) because I was a master of things that never got out of the console, but, what I want to learn is programming in windows. I’m told PHP is a lot like C++ so maybe I can translate some of my skills into script writing. I’m not confident writing for the web though I’d fail and my script would get hacked and the interwebz would hate me. Seriously.

I’m also reading Calculus for Dummies, I’ve never taken Calculus before but for my Computer Science minor I have this phobia of everyone else being a calculus genius, and the best I can pull out of my arse being 1+1=5. Calculus I is not a required course, but I’m thinking about taking it anyways. Calculus, C++, 75 books, doesn’t my summer look fun? And I haven’t even found a job yet.

I think for once I’m going to finish a blog entry in its own time, I’m not distracted or just bored of writing, so yay me! Dad got a new monitor while I was at school and its one of those massively huge flat panel ones. Love it as I do it makes everything look small, and when I design on it I feel like I should fill it, which is such a bad idea. But it is very pretty, and I can see everything.

Anyways, I’m going to go read, and then maybe play some guitar!

This summer, I have decided that I am going to read seventy-five new books. I know that’s not much of a big deal, considering I love reading, but in recent years my interest seems to have waned a bit (oh, god, don’t tell my mother). This is mostly due to the fact that I’ve been trying to learn and do new things, and reading brings be back to that really antisocial pocket of life where I had no friends. But the two can be married!

I hope to write a short review for each of the summer seventy-five here, just to keep my writing brain going as well as my reading one. I want to get out a few chapters for a few of the stories I’m writing. Do less random forum writing, and more practical stuff.

Obviously I want to keep up my website design here too.

Anyways, I thought once I wrote that in my blog I’d actually do it. So, Summer Seventy-Five kicking off with Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh. Any reccomendations for books as offered by you, the internet, will be taken into consideration.