Empty Cage

The reason for the lack of updates is a simple one. I have been doing absolutely nothing interesting. I know that sounds like a bit of a cop-out but it’s absolutely true. I’ll try to sum up some of the high points over the last few days to keep people at least semi-interested. I haven’t even been writing in my own journal though, so that should tell you something.

Currently I’m living with Mike Powers in Milton Keynes, a town outside of London, it is the most ‘North American’ feeling place I’ve been since I’ve gotten here, the roads even have a semi-logical order! I have been walking around the area a lot and cannot pretend that it really reminds me of home. While Mike was showing me around we did a treetop walk and ‘the best fish and chips in southern England’. Other than that it had been nothing but sleep and resumes/CVs and therefore really boring. I’m going to Charing Cross Road “the book district’ tomorrow so hopefully some jobs pop up by Friday. Mike Britishized my resume it’s amazing how little of what I’m done translates directly into Brit.

So, yes, I really have little to blog about right now, hahah. I’ve only talked to parents, Andrew, and Terri since I’ve gotten here despite my kickass cellphone plan, so if anyone wants me to call them it’s always nice to chat with people without crazy accents.

To my commenters:

To mom, laundry was not bad, in fact, it was decidedly dull. I had been expecting satan’s torment from the way people speak of it. As for the weather, yes, it is more spring than not, and I’ve heard about the snow there and I laugh at you all.

To Mike, thanks so much for stopping by to leave me a comment. I hope Jeff is having a good time on his voyages– though I can’t rub in anyone’s face how much nicer the weather is here because I’m sure he’ll one-up me.

To Harvey (Thomas that is), I am having a good time the museums here are about a hundred times better than any museum that I’ve seen in Canada so far, I’m determined to haunt at least one of them. My next destination will be Liverpool/Manchester I think, hopefully the first vacation from my job! The only intense British food I’ve eaten so far was when I was in Whitby I had some Yorkshire Steak and Ale Pie, it was very good, but I was a bit sick the next day, I’d have it again but be very wary. And Pineapple Fritters, which aren’t too bad, a bit too sweet for me though!

To Harvey (This time to Dana), I do understand laziness and the way it prevents typing as you can see by the distance between this entry and the last one. The library pretty much owned, and, as with everything here, I’ve only scratched the surface. The original Beatles lyrics I was tempted to simply bow to, it only seemed right. As for Across the Universe I actually worked on that at Andy Malcolms (cool, huh?) I would not say no to sexy Jude popping over to sing Strawberry Fields Forever with me. I know I’m your hero, after all I got all 150 Pokemon.

Title is a Beatles song quote that has been stuck in my head all day.

Only a short entry today as I didn’t really do too much. I spent most of the day at the British Library, and you would not believe some of the books that I saw there, you would faint with amazement — I almost did.

Let’s see, I saw one of the original copies of the Magna Carta, the originally hand-written hand-drawn copy of Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, a Bible from the Gutenberg press, along with a hundred other beautifully illuminated religious documents, a letter handwritten by Oscar Wilde, a satirical piece written by Jane Austen at 15, some original Beatles lyrics written on paper scraps and a couple hundred other pieces of amazing literary artifacts I can’t even remember them all. The library was massive and I had a heavy bag so I didn’t do too much wandering, but it’s just one more place I positively NEED to go back to.

I am now at the abode of Mr. Powers, having my own room is making me positively glow with glee, and my own bathroom. Overjoyed cannot begin to describe it really. Happiness, elation, I’m just typing in fragmented words today, probably because I’m so tired. Not tired for any reason mind you, just, tired. Tomorrow I will finally get to do laundry! How I miss clean clothing.

Picnic of leftover chicken wings in Regent’s Park first thing this morning, I felt a bit guilty as the joggers gave me the evil eye junk food temptation sitting on a random bench. Why the heck not? I couldn’t believe that I survived.

To the commenteers:

To Mom, as I said, it got cancelled due to lack of intrest. I was very disappointed I have to admit. I’ve decided my new compromise is I’ll work wherever and volenteer at a museum–the British museum is always looking for them apparently.

To Amber, DANKE! I’m so happy about the acceptance really! It means next year I’m going to be getting edumicated, and not work at Sie (ge)Staples, ja! I will be on AIM soon, I promise >.<

To Crystal, comment more lav, or I’ll set Sweeney on thee!

To Janet, I try to be of service, and thank you for all the congratulating, hopefully I really fufill the second congratulation. Osmosis flowering may be a steady bet, and yes, just being here and lugging stuff all over London is a fulltime job.

To Auntie Mo, thank you for commenting, reading comments feels like my pillar in many ways, I see that people love me even if I’m away on some crazy island.

And to Ange, wherever you are, try to comment again, ja?

For the faint of mind my cute wording of escapes instead of the classic comments was switched back to the cliched comments tag. My mother can rest easy tonight knowing that I have done her will. All is now right in the world, and, do I suddenly hear the sound of beautiful birds singing sweet melodies by my ear? Okay, okay, sarcasm aside…

I’m going to talk about something of no interest to anyone but Amberlove in this next section (Unless you have been stalking the short story I have been writing for her for Birthday-Christmas-Wintereenmas), and that is the story I am writing for her. Basically, I thought of a brilliant plot twist last night a stellar ending almost as good as the one I had originally planned. So, I am at a crossroads as to which ending I would like I am drumming my fingers on the desk pondering it now. A copy of the story in question (bys the by) can be found on my fictionpress site or in the writing section of this site.

Now for some good news — I got into the University of Ottawa! Yes, that’s right, a University actually accepted me despite all my shortcomings and oddities, and you had so little faith too, Miss. Bowley, didn’t you? I’m technically registered for philosophy, (an up-and-coming degree for homelessness I hear!) but I may switch to history (homelessness and alcoholism!) I know I should probably have stuck with technology, but I can only be a young idealist once! Then I have to find a real job.

My cold has died down a bit, but I’m still feeling a bit sick, I spent all of yesterday sleeping, much to the dismay of my roommates. I had a french girl who kept checking in with her boyfriend…(Gee, I wonder why she was so upset with me?) and two Japanese girls who were very sweet and kind et all, but spoke loudly in Japanese from dusk until dawn. It was a bit irritating, because I could understand pieces of it but not enough to know what they were talking about, so I had a bit of a headache trying to tune them out.

I read for most of yesterday — The Sweet Far Thing again, Candide, Beyond Good and Evil, and Dracula again meaning I’m all but completely finished my book reserve. I only have Sartre’s Nausea left, and that was a bit heavy even for me to get through while I was ill. So I played some Nintendo DS to while away to thirty seconds it took for my to fall asleep.

Also, I also finally spoke to the elusive Mr. Powers yesterday, and he promises food! And life outside of the hostel and help in finding a job, which I could not possibly be happier about. I also applied at some CD chains and some stationary chains (Staples had to be good for something)

To my commenters:

Amber, of course I am still writing yours story (see above) I am just at a crossroads >>; (And the camera thief shall suffer muchly… just WAIT!) I’m going to try and get on AIM at a time that you are… curse the 5 hours!

Kathy, hehe! I’ve always been a fan of Britishisms, which makes my dear friends roll their eyes– but now I have an excuse!

Yesterday’s entry is a bit dreary. I thought long and hard about what I had written here and read my comments very carefully. The big problems are the ups and downs, not just the downs. It’s very much how I imagine drugs (don’t I sound like such a prude now… Who am I kidding? I’m a huge prude. I’ve taken to lying to people about why I don’t drink to avoid feeling too lame. Hahaha! It would probably be easier to start the habit). Any ways, I guess the problem is I’m still trying to figure out what the heck I’m doing here, maybe once my head wraps around that I’ll be a bit less insecure. I really do appreciate happy little comments though, makes me less inclined to think I’ve gone completely crazy.

I hung out with Kate for most of yesterday, we chatted and had sandwitches. It is truly amazing how meeting up with a friend can make everything about a hundred times better. I mean, I was in a decidedly miserable mood, and even though nothing about the day changed a wave of something terrible, like a frighteningly potent optimism gave my liver a good twist. (Liver or gallbladder the choice was a tough one). I also had a chat with Andrew, may day looked up.

I even made a new friend, and despite spending the day wandering Camden market with her didn’t learn her name until lunch (It was Helen for those curious) Another American. I’ve met hardly any British people here — all Americans! She was very nice, she’s 27, making me feel like I’m the youngest person in the UK right now. Or at least, the most insane nineteen year old ever. Which is where the entry title comes from — I got a Bauhaus shirt in Camden market– I love it. Something small, but going somewhere with a friend, even if you don’t know their name makes everything better. Maybe being lonely has had something to do with my moods.

I keep getting distracted from this entry, I have a good old fashioned Yorkshire cold now, and am sniffling something fierce. Hopefully this entry will make me seem a bit less deranged than the last.

Of course to my commenters (no one knows how much I love comments)

Erica, who are you kidding, I was always the brains you were the… vocal cords, I was the pinnacle or awesome whilst you were my sidekick.

Amber, if I ever find them death will be the least of their worries, it will be the horrible way which they are killed! Mwahahahaha~~! And I needed the black square *sobs* The next chapter is almost finished by the way (You thought I had forgotten I’ll bet!) Obviously I’ve been a bit held up, but I’m near done.

And to Kathy, first of all, thank you very much for how helpful you’ve been to me, your comment was very thoughtful as well, and I difficult one to really reply to. That’s definately a part of it, the exposure, if you aren’t raw, real and very brash about who you think you are then you’ll be lost during this experience, but achieving that level of reality is hard because it really is leaving yourself open. While you won’t get lost you will get hurt — thinking of it like a hand over a candle, if you cover it you can burn your hand, if you don’t it can go out.

I’m going to now use text based images to explain to everyone something about my life, back in Canada everything seemed very much like the following line:

—————————————–

Notice, very static and unchanging, I could have lived life in my sleep and still gotten by pretty fine, here in England is a rather different tale, my line looks more like the following instead:

—–^v^v^v^——–^v^^^^^vvvvvvvVVVvv—-^^^^^—^v

(The ‘v’s being low points and the ‘^’s being high points)

I’m not used to this much variance in how things move about. I vowed to myself I would be optimistic this entire trip even if it killed me. I’m finding it difficult as this morning I found my beloved camera missing. I’ve visited most of the places I’ve been since then but to no avail. I guess that’s extremely hard to be optimistic about. I’m going to call Darlington, Middlesborough and Whitby stations as well as my Whitby Hostel and see if anyone turned it in on another leg of my journey, but I’m not holding out much hope. It’s just so bloody HARD to be optimistic about something like that, if it doesn’t turn up by the end of the week I’ll have to replace it, I’m sure there’s a silver lining SOMEWHERE I’m just not seeing it. What a way to kill a happy trip by the sea.

Anyways, minus the huge ragedisappointmentfuryetc at having a vanishing camera (I’m not going to say I’ll bet some arsehole stole it but…illbetsomearseholestoleit)… I might have an interview. I do have someone to call for an interview I did get the e-mail while I was in the North, I just hope the position isn’t filled yet. Right, optimism, the position isn’t filled yet and they are killing themselves for a Canadian for some reason.I’ll try to stop the sarcasm, and say they may or may not hire me, end of story. And called, as I type this and as usual ‘The Middle Way’ they’ve filled the position for right now, maybe in a month they might have space. Count backwards from 10 and breath, it’s a data entry job, not a huge deal.

I’m getting my bank card today finally, so I can put the scary, scary Visa I’ve been living off somewhere far away and hidden. Not that I have any real money, but it’s nice to know I can pretend and people won’t give me the ‘put away your silly Canadacards’ look.

I had the roommate from hell last night, she woke up every hour all night and loudly demanded the time, she smelt strongly of alcohol and she didn’t seem to understand that there were four other women in the room. SHE WORE NO PANTS OR UNDERGARMENTS. I nearly fainted. She slept deep into the morning while I was trying to find my camera and whined that I was making too much noise, while she snorted and sighed all night. Ugh!!

ON THE BRIGHTSIDE–

Which I am dead set DETERMINED to come up with now, I walked past Fleet street today while I was lost, and started humming part of the Sweeney Todd theme to myself and someone joined in my humming. ALSO, I still have my laptop, which I would die if someone stole. AS WELL, I AM IN LONDON. And while I spend most of my existence lost in this city there is so much to see and do. FINALLY! I am about to go out and eat, which should be enough to make anyone happy.

To my commentors who I didn’t reply to last time:

Bergberg! I’m trying not to! I’m a bit of an inborn personal stresser that comes from my mother as I’ve sure you’ve guessed.

Harvey! I actually transfered all of my York and about a quarter of my Whitby pictures onto my laptop so I still have a few photos to show off yet, I may get a disposable camera for now.

My last entry was so rushed it doesn’t make a word of sense, so sorry to everyone, I had very little booked internet time left when I started it. I’m now on the final leg of my journey from Whitby back to London, but I guess I need to start at getting to Whitby. I am able to write this because my train from Darlington to London offers free internet access.

Last time I wrote to you all I was in York, I was having a particularly miserable day, and plotting my starring role in ANGST! the musical. Feeling frustrated, I walked around the town and found myself sitting on the steps of York Minster and I just thought for awhile in the damp Yorkshire cold that sends deep into your bones and finally decided this trip is what I make it. And it was time to make it something incredible and memorable, I have money, I have a lot of money, I left Canada with a lot of money. I will be perfectly fine.

It was then I decided to go to Whitby.

It had been on my mind for awhile, but I finally made a resolute decision to go to Whitby. Why Whitby? Probably something to do with that goth-Dracula thing, and maybe wanting to see the sea, looking out and seeing the way home. Whitby was nice, the whole area smelt of fish and chips, and my hostel was the old abbey house at the top of the famous 199 steps where Mina sees Lucy with Dracula for the first time.

Everyone in Whiby was friendly, they all smiled and didn’t give me the infamous ‘North American Stare’ the one that usually involves a lot of disdain. They just smile in a polite manner which you fumble along. Internet access was a sweeping ten pound an hour, so I decided you guys could wait a few days to hear from me.

The trip from York to Whitby was absolutely astonishing. It was like going back in time, tufted green grass, punctuated by sheep, ancient walls and small farm houses. Picturesque, really.

P.S.

I never wrote on the British Museum. It was like heaven, my own personal Mecca. I could hardly contain some wave of emotion after seeing the real rosetta stone right there in front of me. I felt like I was going to have to die happy right there. It was the most amazing place I had ever been before in my life. And I only arrived there two hours to closing!

No, I didn’t do the Viking thing, I did that last time. However, I did tour the outside of minister and all of the cool little shops in the area. I was very, very stressed today for no reason, so I talked to the family a lot. As painful as it is to my pride to admit they are right, I have to calm down and actually enjoy at least some of this trip. I mustn’t forget that the UK is beautiful in all my insanity about getting a job.

And finally, some pictures for you all — maybe in a second, depends on if my internet lasts long enough to upload them.

Three big days in a row and I have yet to report on either of them. I am currently at YHA in York. I am ticked at the YHA of course, I get here tired and lost and the front desk guy asks if I want an YHA membership, as usual, I say no and of course he slides in ‘yourroomisanextrathreequidanight’ aha! The catch, doing the math if I pay the three pound a night I’m still only one pound off, but, if I decide to extend my visit then it’ll be worth it, and I can stay at a YHA hostel when I get back into London. It’s just hysterical that last little grab at money. I got a twenty-four hour internet voucher for today and tomorrow, so that I’ll be set until I go back to London. I have to go to London whether a get a job here or not unfortunately because my luggage is still in London.

But let me start at the beginning here, the day before yesterday I died and went to heaven. I went to the Mecca of History nerds; I was at the British Museum, oh my god. It was like heaven, I almost burst into tears of joy when I saw the real Rosetta stone, it was beyond the most amazing thing I had ever seen, one slab of rock that his taught us immeasurable things about the past—it makes me giddy just thinking about it. I had barely scraped the surface of the Egypt exhibit before closing time because I must have gotten lost about a hundred times before I got there. I cannot even come close to describing the sheer joy of being in that museum. Man, I am such a bloody nerd. I plan on going back and actually taking some pictures because the first time around I decided I wanted to look first. I’ve been trying to live my trip and not spend as much time snapping all the sights as I did last time. I only pull my camera out if I am really inspired. I’m sure I’ll need it when I walk York Minster tomorrow. While I do plan on dropping off CVs here I’m treating York like a bit more of a Holiday. I like my prospects of getting a job in London much more than York. I do love this town though; it’s beautiful, like living in a medieval village. I spent five hours on a bus today getting here, I should hope I like it.

The scenery around York is much prettier too; it’s a very tranquil town. Walking to my hostel was a bit of a drag though, it’s about a mile from the train station and I didn’t know what bus to take and so I walked it instead, overshot it by a lot and then was helped by an old lady who seemed to have a half German half Yorkshire accent. I have reason to believe she was both the loneliest lady in the world and a touch senile. She insisted on talking to me until her bus came, and then got the bus driver to take me there. I felt very awkward, but she was very interested in Canada and kept asking if I was sure I wanted to stay at the hostel. I was a touch sketched out, so I declined several times. I’m sure she was perfectly lovely, but all I had wanted to know was if I was going the right way! I’ll be hitting the streets tomorrow, but I think I know my way back here. This hostel is much nicer than the other one there seem to be more families and older people here than at ISH.

It’s hard to avoid being a bit disheartened, despite the fact that I’ve really only been job hunting five or six days, and only looking for actual retail jobs since yesterday. I had been relying on job boards and job websites, when really it’s probably more about just applying at places like HMV, Virgin records, Borders and W.H. Smiths, the big music and book chains. I don’t know, I just miss my family and friends now I think. That or I’m getting really nervous about not having a job.

And to my commentors

Mom, I’ll talk to you on the phone, the cover of the book in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the galaxy is ‘Don’t Panic’ and I’m going to give that a try.

Amber, I love you and will AIM you.

I know it’s really only been a few days and that I shouldn’t have ever expected this to be easy and all of that lovely stuff, but I cannot help but be depressed at the fact that, holycrap I have no stinking job. I’ve been sort of gradually e-mailing my resume (CV) around but finding an hourly rather than a salaried job is a lot harder than I had hoped. I just want to be working so I can get my stuff in order and move out of the hostel. Bah! While I intend to stay at ISH tonight (and hopefully tomorrow night) I’m going to book Sunday, Monday, and think about booking Tuesday at YHA York, from there I’m going to apply for some jobs obviously, in York. I’d rather not live in London if I can help it — everything costs a fortune! I was thinking of going to Manchester or Liverpool, but the hostels there were amazingly expensive or booked. I’ll visit there at some point, I’m going to have to break into my dollars reserve soon, which is a bit heartbreaking. Alternatively, I may stay in London and hold until I get my first interview. I don’t know — I’m feeling conflicted right now. Is it easier to voyage a bit, or to stay put, afterall, I do have a couple thousand kilos of luggage which I have to keep in mind. I’ll book another night at ISH I think, and then decide over the next few days.

I opened my bank account and activated my phone properly yesterday, so, calling to Canada costs me a tidy 5p a minute, making it 10 cents a minute. The cheapest distance plan I could find, and so I called Andrew, and home last night. It was so great to hear my three boys again! I miss them like crazy. Yesterday was similar to the day before, I went to BUNAC, I applied for a few jobs Kate and I wandered London, I went to the hostel and tried to sleep.

Actually, rather than sleep I watched ‘From Hell’ on Syd until my frenchroom mate came back to sleep. It was nice though, sitting there watching a movie and finishing off some of my plane treats. Finally, a relaxed evening even if I am stressing out about everything I still need to do. I think today I’m going to throw job hunting to the wind a bit and go to the British Museum, it’s open until 8 and has free admission, maybe I’ll get some good old fashioned fish and chips before I head in. I’ve eaten mostly sandwiches since I got here because they are cheap, but maybe splurging a bit on food will lift some of the OVERWHELMINGANGST. It’s not been that bad, I just want the security of knowing I’ll have an income soon.

So! This is what I’m going to do today, first, I’m going to apply for a few more jobs (new jobs on the board every day, it’s worth a try, even if I haven’t got a single reply yet), then, I’m going back to ISH and booking another day or two in case this York trip falls through. I can get my money back from them. From there, I’ll get me some fish and chips and hit the museum (I have to admit I’m really excited about this museum thing!) Then I will head back to the hostel and sleep, rise repeat for the next few days.

As a reply to my comments:

Amber, I am having a good time, see e-mails of love for details, however I hope my resume does not let me down, I would be very sad being the London panhandler! Maybe if I started a pie shop…

Melissa, I’m not sure if Staples misses me, how’s the new kid’s ESP rating? Or have they ESP slapped him yet? I think I had a three week grace period before I got ESP’d! And has Michelle taken down my dramatic closing ’10 Things I learned at Staples 304′ because I always assumed she would… The hostel is nothing fancy, but clean, which according to Kate makes a huge difference. Some of the chaps here are nice looking but they are mostly pretty average.

EMMADAWN!, I miss you lots, I still can’t believe it either if that helps anything… I cannot believe that I am writing this not at home, but in London, England. It’s really hard to fathom– alone, London, five-to-six months, ack! Once I have a flat I pretty much demand that you visit me, even if it costs all the money you’ve ever made I like to think my loving devotion is worth it. And as for the bloke, will do! P.S. I cannot actually comment on your facebook profile, know why? Because the word b-o-m-b is used on it, which is a screened word on the BUNAC internets. XD

Orientation yesterday actually reminded me exactly how jet lagged I was, because between taxes and accommodation almost everyone had the dazed ‘jet-lagged’ sort of face on — except one Aussie guy and an American girl who seemed particularly loud, though likely only because the rest of us were so tired. Fortunately they both already had jobs so they left us in peace after the first half of orientation. We all sat there in stunned silence as we all half realised what we had gotten ourselves into. Work, that is, lots and lots of work. A booked another two nights at my hostel… I like to only do it in small increments incase I get too ‘comfortable’ and make no moves to get a place to live. Hostels are not comfortable, but knowing I might not get a room puts some fire to my feet.

At any rate, as a vain stab of hope I e-mailed most of the major London museums yesterday begging them to consider me. I plan to e-mail a few outside of London too. My vain hope continues! Though I also plan to apply at jobs I might actually get, like, office work and retail positions. Though bookstore-retail not Staples-retail. Nothing says bad six months like having the ESP ghost hovering dangerously around my shoulders. Speaking of Staples, I’m disappointed, the four dollar (no dollar sign on my keyboard anymore– haha.) calculator I bought there not more than a week ago had already broken. It is displaying sixes as eights, and eights as eights, so you kind of have to guess whether the number you’re looking at is £600, or £800… a huge difference, let me tell you. (Yes, I was budgeting last night)

I actually walked from my hostel to BUNAC, I didn’t get too lost, it took about an hour and 45 minutes, which is huge considering it’s only a few stops away on the tube, but I got to see the London University Campus, as well, I’m getting more of an idea where things are in this city. It’s amazing how old and new just blend together so easily here. You’ll see some buildings with really contemporary fronts have ancient tops to them. It’s quaint, in a fun kind of way. Londoners seem to be nothing but friendly too, being bitter on my first entry I never mentioned that I never had to carry my huge bag up or down huge flights of stairs, someone was always kind enough to offer. I’m really loving the atmosphere here. I have yet to have anyone comment on my accent, I keep hoping they will.

I’ve met a few people, as I said. Addy from the night before last, the french girl and the hungarian from my hostel, as well last night a woman from Hong Kong was in my room (Addy had left the morning before). Again, I got a chance to try one of my foriegn languages, and I spoke a bit of Japanese with my new Hong Kong friend. All I need is a chance to try my German! I met two people at orientation, Lydia, from the States whom I hung out with for lunch and got my phone with. And Kate, who I hung out with most of the evening, from the States as well. It was a very amusing experience to say the least, we wandered the streets of London for ages then headed out for dinner. I still haven’t gone anywhere too touristy.

Its so hard to remember what I have written here and what’s in my paper journal!

And I got the Mrs. Lovett fanlisting, thanks completely to insert name here, whom I love like no other and shall cling to as soon as I get my flat.

That’s all I really have for right now, apparently comments still aren’t working? I’ll tool around with them more today while I have more time. Love you all!

P.S. Happy Valentines Day — is it really the 14th already?