Empty Cage

This should be good, there’s about a 90% chance this blog will get lost in the abyss, when I move, but I’ve just had a hit of bitchy, and I can’t help myself. As for the contents of this blog, I’m not going to pretend I’m not just as guilty as the next guy on this one, but I just need to get some stuff off my chest.

Why is it that everyone on the Internet has such a healthy hit of self entitlement? Everyone seems to wield knowledge like a weapon, when it has so many other uses. It’s absolutely obscene to watch “help” forums on the internet. Are we all so small and petty that when someone asks for a minute of our time to give them a hand we slap them in the face.

And I know. I know, read my blog entries and people will get to thinking I actually have a heart because I’ve hit this topic before. My problem here though is that so much the snobbery today is people trying hard to emphasize their perceived “uniqueness” It’s a bit nauseating. I’m obviously not pointing any fingers, this is a by product of the hyperconnected society.

Throughout elementary school and high school you will be told a couple hundred times a day that you are completely unique. That no one on this entire planet is anything like you, and everything you do is special. I am very naive and I like to believe that to some degree this is true. I like to believe at our core we are each at least slightly different. As a Philosophy Major, I cringe at the words ‘I like to believe’ because as far as I’m concerned that’s code for ‘I can’t prove a damn thing’

The thing that troubles me is of course that for being ‘unique’ we sure as hell hate to act unique. And I know this rant has been given a million times: “Counter culture is culture, you dumbasses.” I’m a counter culture kid but at least I have the guts to call a spade a spade on this one. And as someone wise once pointed out to a very innocent me, who was trying to decide if she should get a tattoo for no good reason except that she would fit in with the other Goth kiddies “You are unique, just like everyone else.”

I love turning that sentence over in my head, it never fails to stop me in my tracks.

And I’m not surprised at the rise of depression, and, (in only the most shallow people), it’s links to goth, emo, or whatever other group you may be a part of. I have dealt with depression, I have been a goth, and to be fully honest about this all, I still like the goth lifestyle, and have no problems “gothing it up”. But being an insider looking in, as well as an insider looking out it’s so easy to see why we are the way were are today, this massive addiction to not being okay.

Look at it this way, on the internet pretty much everyone in the western world can instantaneously see almost anything they like about us. In this blog alone essentially anyone can read this entry (I mean, mind you they’d have to find it either by looking for it or happening upon it) but, for the sake of argument anyone who wants to know my thoughts on things can access them with ease. And despite my bellyaching it’s not all that difficult to do. In fact, dare I say it, anyone on the entire internet who views my website is more than capable of also making their own website, be it livejournal, geocities, or a domain, it’s not as though only the elite can throw together a website. Anyway now, unlike 10 or so years ago when the only people you had to tell about your life was your best friend now you can tell someone on the other side of the world about your life. In only a few mouse clicks. As soon as I click Publish to my right there this blog, too will be available to people across the globe. And this hypercommunication causes a bit of a problem.

Suddenly, the old phrase ‘you are unique’ starts to lose meaning, because at any given time I can find someone who feels the exact same way as I do. In fact, with the right keywords, I bet I could find someone who has written a journal entry with an extremely similar concept to this one. People can now look around and feel lost in the internet, their problems don’t seem that impressive and in many cases people even find that their problems are eclipsed by the problems of others. Sadder than you syndrome starts to form. People start to hope for, or lie about misfortune in order to command the attention of everyone, where before having your cat get hit by a car would earn you some sympathy, now your entire family has to be killed in a shoot-out to win you much attention. And, god, what people won’t do for attention. I’m doing it right now by writing this blog.

This massive selfishness wouldn’t be a problem if it didn’t lead to agressive flocks of people who think they are the most important people in the world. That what they have to say is a million times more important then anything anyone else could ever dream of saying. This self-importance easily turns fairly agreeable people into a popular phrase online today “attention whores”, though it also breeds “elitists” it really depends on the person. Elitists take out their need for attention on others, being agressive to people they believe to be below themselves, attention whores just try to make everyone pay attention to them, whether we give a shit or not.

Haaaa~~ Just needed to get some of that out.

I’ve been part of the world internet community for a number of years now… six or seven at least. I’ve been a part of various groups and sects. From arbitrary fandoms to deep technical and philosophical groups I’ve been a participant a contributor and a creator, it comes with many years integrating yourself into a global culture. Something I have always been painfully aware of though is Internet Snobbery. That is, everyone on the internet looking down their nose at everyone else on the internet. And I’ve done it too.

 I mean, let’s look at a few of the billion examples. Microsoft users and Apple users are really looked down upon by Linux users (not that Microsoft and Apple users really care, they are too busy looking down at each other). Lately I’ve been thinking of making my system a dual-boot, Ubuntu or Fedora and Microsoft Windows Vista (don’t get me going on the XP snobs, many of whom don’t even really know why they hate Vista) and almost all of the guides speak in such a pretentious way often adding in notes about how one should just ‘trash Microshit all together’

 I’m sorry, I thought I googled ‘tutorial’ not ‘your incredibly immature and biassed opinion on why you hate Microsoft because they are successful’.

But that’s just one example, us webdesigners are the absolute worst for drawing lines in the sand and daring others to cross them, it’s like we’re trying to create some sort of artistic objective rather than the ideal where art is subjective, coding makes it really easy to quantify art, coupled with the fact that you can be totally unknown online makes people seem bolder and more able to say things that they would never dream of saying to someone’s face.

Like, I was swimming the internet and stumbled upon a group of tutorial comments meant for people who had any questions on the material, and someone asked a pretty standard (albiet a little dumb) question about the tutorial and the tutorial writer swooped down in a fit of rage and railed on the newbie for asking such a stupid question and several others rallied with the tutorial owner, until the website’s moderator stepped in… the best part of this story… the moderator was accused of ‘trying to start a flame war’ I mean… really. Maybe they were just done with people making someone new feel uncomfortable.

And I remember that feeling well from when I started webdesign. People with domains were on a high plateau of existance than those of who did not, and those who were hosted on someone else’s domain were at least higher than us Geocities kids. And how much HTML you knew versus page builder, and your graphics skills, your hit counter, your affiliates. And it was all but impossible to convince old websiters to affiliate with newbies and help given was often condescending and sarcastic. Everyone wants you to get better but no one would even dream of helping you.

 It seems like everywhere you go online nothing is really good enough for everyone else.

I love review sites that do ‘unrequested reviews’ too. You know what I call that? Flaming. Plain and simple, you write a whole page detailing why someone else has a crappy page that no one asked for you are a flamer. And these are the people who whine when anyone sends them a one liner that says ‘your site sucks’.

 Or maybe I’m just really tired and there is no spoon.

I got approved for the Magical Mystery Tour Fanlisting

And to Amber, you just need to take a leap of faith. If you fail go home, but no one will ever criticize you for trying. Or if they do I’ll chase them down with a beating stick, you are incredibly smart and creative, you did better than I ever did in school. Plus, just for shits and giggles I looked up how much a freelance webdesigner makes in New York and have decided you will be a millionaire. <333

But Andrew came over and I had to fix Cathy Goldberg’s computer! How was I supposed to update, huh? By magic? Eh? Eh?!

 I love hardware repairs way more than software ones, with hardware at the end you can say ‘Yes. This is fixed. There is a taste of minor triumph.’ With software… well, now you’re dealing with the ‘ghosts in the machine.’ Which I think would be a pretty cool thing to haunt to be honest. Typing cryptic messages every few days, causing myself to implode. Other nefarious misdemeanors… I’d be worse than Y2K! (Which was a bit of a let down with regards to the collapse of the universe)

 Will I update tonight? Maybe.

It’s my broski’s birthday, and I should probably be nice to him as I can’t really afford to get him anything. Oh, my dear bother… that was a typo, I did indeed mean brother. He’ll be seventeen, which I find kind of scary, he’s getting so big and grown up and totally can and will push me around at random.

 I still need to pick my courses for school, but I need to call the university because according to their website all of the compulsory classes I need to take are full. Hmn. My old manager Al said he’d help hook me up with a job at Staples Ottawa, so that takes care of the fact that I have no money at all. My residence is amazing, I can hardly wait to move in with my… double bed and cable TV. BWAAHAHAHAHAH! I don’t even have that in my room at home.

I have a new chapter to upload for Whitechapel, which I will get to soon, I’ve just been so preoccupied with work and life, and have started a new (hopefully) short story about a rockstar. (It sucks less than in sounds like it should I promise) So I’ve been actively writing, a lot of my usual philosophic rants in my paper journal mostly.

In the merry land of websites, obviously my priority is fixing this place up to a serviceable level again, I finished the Sakaki Haruto Fanlisting though (and already it needs a new layout), and totally GOT APPROVED FOR THE CHESHIRE CAT FANLIST!! yey. Book and Movie Characters, not animation, which strikes me as odd that they are two seperate but whatever. The small webshrine I was going to be making for the Cheshire Cat recieves new furvor, in fact, I may apply for American McGee’s Alice — The Cheshire Cat too just because I am that addicted. No word on the Magical Mystery Tour yet. Albums said they would update this week though, so we’ll see. Loyalties will be getting fixed up soon. My other websites — Ruins is going to be born as I need something Angel Sanctuary, and I’m going to upload all my info on Umbreon for Enigma like I should have done months ago. Cursed also has an update coming in the near future as I prepare to get it fully up to date, as, for those who are yet unaware, the Inuyasha series has finally finished. Loyalties is also looking for an update, and Bloodlust is teetering but may be turned into a Shougo Kawada shrine before the day is out (despite my Sugimura love Shougo would be much more interesting to write about I think)

For OTHER people’s websites, Justin if you still exist, and even read my blog anymore I can make Twilight RO a new layout, last I checked your domain was down, but if you ever read it, I can redo. Blue Heron Books is going to be made less ugly and updated to use Word Press. And finally, Shards will be finished hopefully before CN Anime….

I had no momentum going with my old notebook so I got a new one.

No momentum in the job/home front so I’m moving.

 Scotland here I come.

For the faint of mind my cute wording of escapes instead of the classic comments was switched back to the cliched comments tag. My mother can rest easy tonight knowing that I have done her will. All is now right in the world, and, do I suddenly hear the sound of beautiful birds singing sweet melodies by my ear? Okay, okay, sarcasm aside…

I’m going to talk about something of no interest to anyone but Amberlove in this next section (Unless you have been stalking the short story I have been writing for her for Birthday-Christmas-Wintereenmas), and that is the story I am writing for her. Basically, I thought of a brilliant plot twist last night a stellar ending almost as good as the one I had originally planned. So, I am at a crossroads as to which ending I would like I am drumming my fingers on the desk pondering it now. A copy of the story in question (bys the by) can be found on my fictionpress site or in the writing section of this site.

Now for some good news — I got into the University of Ottawa! Yes, that’s right, a University actually accepted me despite all my shortcomings and oddities, and you had so little faith too, Miss. Bowley, didn’t you? I’m technically registered for philosophy, (an up-and-coming degree for homelessness I hear!) but I may switch to history (homelessness and alcoholism!) I know I should probably have stuck with technology, but I can only be a young idealist once! Then I have to find a real job.

My cold has died down a bit, but I’m still feeling a bit sick, I spent all of yesterday sleeping, much to the dismay of my roommates. I had a french girl who kept checking in with her boyfriend…(Gee, I wonder why she was so upset with me?) and two Japanese girls who were very sweet and kind et all, but spoke loudly in Japanese from dusk until dawn. It was a bit irritating, because I could understand pieces of it but not enough to know what they were talking about, so I had a bit of a headache trying to tune them out.

I read for most of yesterday — The Sweet Far Thing again, Candide, Beyond Good and Evil, and Dracula again meaning I’m all but completely finished my book reserve. I only have Sartre’s Nausea left, and that was a bit heavy even for me to get through while I was ill. So I played some Nintendo DS to while away to thirty seconds it took for my to fall asleep.

Also, I also finally spoke to the elusive Mr. Powers yesterday, and he promises food! And life outside of the hostel and help in finding a job, which I could not possibly be happier about. I also applied at some CD chains and some stationary chains (Staples had to be good for something)

To my commenters:

Amber, of course I am still writing yours story (see above) I am just at a crossroads >>; (And the camera thief shall suffer muchly… just WAIT!) I’m going to try and get on AIM at a time that you are… curse the 5 hours!

Kathy, hehe! I’ve always been a fan of Britishisms, which makes my dear friends roll their eyes– but now I have an excuse!