Empty Cage

I am at work. I was working up until a few minutes ago, when I finished and Rob (my boss) is nowhere to be found. I think he’s in a meeting. So, I’m working in a warehouse for my dad’s company, and let me make it perfectly clear, I did not and do not want this job. In fact, I would sorely like to pluck my own eyes out. I haven’t really had female contact in months, and no Andrew to bring out my feminine side (no, there’s nothing insulting about that, read it again). Everyone here is really pretty gangstahhh and no wonder, I’m in Scarborough… I seriously need some ‘peeps’ My job involved unpacking wireless access points (for large stores like Loblaws) labelling them, and scanning them. Rinse repeat. I’m supposed to learn how to progam these things eventually, but that’s taking a bit longer than planned. It’s an hour commute to and from work. I am not pleased. It’s nice to spend some quality time with dad in the car though. I guess. Albeit, not nice enough to keep the job, my eyes are peeled. $10/hour working 8-5… pain pain pain.

I have a new much loved band called ‘Mad Staring Eyes’ (look them up on mySpace — and while you’re at it visit Sean Dineley at Huck’s Fin) I got their album from a band member at Pearson International while I was picking up my bag, he asked me to come to his show, but I didn’t listen to the CD until yesterday so I missed them, now I’m disappointed! Hahaha! That’s where the entry title comes from by the way, it seemed oddly fitting.

I had my photos taken for some movie audition thing, it was most insane, the photographer was insanely complimentary, I often wonder if that is obligatory in photographers, flatter the hell out of everyone who comes near you. At any rate it was interesting to watch and participate in. They talked about how my face would work for a part if I had bigger bags under my eyes and I stopped just shy of saying ‘Give me a few more weeks at this job, and I’ll give you bags.’

Still no word from Jamie, I’m trying to decide if sending a second e-mail looks like obsession. I abhor crushes.

I almost worked on websites last night but I spoke to Samantha on MSN, and she happened to be playing Pokemon, and obviously I then had to get my DS, and I played it most of the night. So anyone looking for website updates, blame her! Not me!

I’m thinking of learning to play the acoustic guitar that has migrated into my room.

I’m back in Canada.

I guess the word I would use to describe how I feel right now is wistful. I think it was the second grade when I first looked that word up in a dictionary because I had stumbled upon it in a number of books ‘sad, as if longing for something’ and when I thought of the word I thought of a maze with invisible walls. You can always see the prize but the work to reach it is astounding. But let’s not make this an angsty entry.

Going abroad, I need to make some final comments on it, until I return next summer. And believe me, as long as I still have a good Visa I will be returning.

Going to the UK by myself in February has certainly been a learning experience. In fact, that’s what it was more than an job, holiday, or anything else I expected it to be. It was school for me, my remedial classes in life, and I needed them badly. As we can see by the trials, and triumphs.

The first thing, and likely most painful thing I learned is that sometimes the best friends you will ever make in your entire life you’ll meet once and never again. You have to accept this or you’ll go crazy. For all the contact details I’ve accumulated, I’ve only got a fraction of the people I’ve met. And of those I do have most will drift away, even if they are people who I will never make better friends with.

I’ve learned that courage is a rare and valuable virtue, and the valour is something irreplaceable in humankind. And you have to live with as much bravery as you can. You have to be shameless in throwing yourself into life or you lose so much in the experience. I hope I have enough courage to make my life one of greatness.

I’m so jetlagged, I can’t seem to get the rest of this entry out.

Excuses, excuses.

I have 20 minutes to update all of you on what I have been doing for the past week now. And it hasn’t exactly been the most laid back week of my life.

I left Scotland last Sunday or Saturday (can’t even remember anymore) with a tragic good bye to Jamie and Derek, and to Steve in spirit I imagine, I returned to Milton Keynes to get my act together.

Starting laaaast… Monday I guess I was on a plane to Amsterdam, in the Netherlands for the precious few who have not made it their life’s goal to go to Amsterdam. And what on Earth can I really say about Amsterdam that hasn’t been said before? If you’re as straight laced as I am (secret high five for Amber here) you cannot help but feel a twinge nervous about the idea of Amsterdam, even if the city itself is very nice. It won’t surprise most to know that very few people who are actually from Amsterdam smoke, it’s mainly the idiot tourists.

Highlight of the visit was the Anne Frank house where I felt it was safe to let my guard  down a little (in all honesty who is going to drug me in the Anne Frank house?) it was interesting, but, like Versailles most of what I saw was the back of another tourist’s head. I went to the house after the New Europe free walking tour ( I love these tours — and not only because they are free but it helps) So, I did technically see the red light district. Technically. I spent the day hanging out with a British guy, who was quite awesome to be honest.

Amsterdam is Andrew’s city, drugs and bicycles. ( I love you too, Shiny.)

From Amsterdam I took a day trip to Brussels, and quickly discovered… there’s nothing to DO in Brussels. Seriously, give me one reason to go to Brussels besides to chocolate?  Ah? I win.

From Amsterdam I jetted off to Berlin which was amazingly awesome, now when I read history books and they talk about somewhere in Berlin I can actually draw up a memory and not just use the gigantic mental substitute of ‘somewhere in Europe’ Berlin was pretty in such an interesting way, plus they do memorials like no one’s business. The one to the burnt books was especially dramatic, and the holocaust memorial, it was like something you cannot describe. You have to go there and experience that.

Because I’m in a rush now with my clock at 10 minutes, I have to tell you about Sachausen concentration camp at a later date. Needless to say, it was the single most powerful experience of my life so far and literally a human turning point for me. My entire life has been altered by this one day. Scary, isn’t it?

Berlin to Munchen (or Munich if you spracken englisch) I was let down by Munich mostly because I wanted to see Prague or Vienna more but it didn’t happen like that. It was a very impressive city regardless, what with it’s Glockenspiel.

And, okay, this entry will have to be postponed as my clock is about to run out.To be continued (dun dun dunnnnn)

My last entry was so rushed it doesn’t make a word of sense, so sorry to everyone, I had very little booked internet time left when I started it. I’m now on the final leg of my journey from Whitby back to London, but I guess I need to start at getting to Whitby. I am able to write this because my train from Darlington to London offers free internet access.

Last time I wrote to you all I was in York, I was having a particularly miserable day, and plotting my starring role in ANGST! the musical. Feeling frustrated, I walked around the town and found myself sitting on the steps of York Minster and I just thought for awhile in the damp Yorkshire cold that sends deep into your bones and finally decided this trip is what I make it. And it was time to make it something incredible and memorable, I have money, I have a lot of money, I left Canada with a lot of money. I will be perfectly fine.

It was then I decided to go to Whitby.

It had been on my mind for awhile, but I finally made a resolute decision to go to Whitby. Why Whitby? Probably something to do with that goth-Dracula thing, and maybe wanting to see the sea, looking out and seeing the way home. Whitby was nice, the whole area smelt of fish and chips, and my hostel was the old abbey house at the top of the famous 199 steps where Mina sees Lucy with Dracula for the first time.

Everyone in Whiby was friendly, they all smiled and didn’t give me the infamous ‘North American Stare’ the one that usually involves a lot of disdain. They just smile in a polite manner which you fumble along. Internet access was a sweeping ten pound an hour, so I decided you guys could wait a few days to hear from me.

The trip from York to Whitby was absolutely astonishing. It was like going back in time, tufted green grass, punctuated by sheep, ancient walls and small farm houses. Picturesque, really.

P.S.

I never wrote on the British Museum. It was like heaven, my own personal Mecca. I could hardly contain some wave of emotion after seeing the real rosetta stone right there in front of me. I felt like I was going to have to die happy right there. It was the most amazing place I had ever been before in my life. And I only arrived there two hours to closing!

Orientation yesterday actually reminded me exactly how jet lagged I was, because between taxes and accommodation almost everyone had the dazed ‘jet-lagged’ sort of face on — except one Aussie guy and an American girl who seemed particularly loud, though likely only because the rest of us were so tired. Fortunately they both already had jobs so they left us in peace after the first half of orientation. We all sat there in stunned silence as we all half realised what we had gotten ourselves into. Work, that is, lots and lots of work. A booked another two nights at my hostel… I like to only do it in small increments incase I get too ‘comfortable’ and make no moves to get a place to live. Hostels are not comfortable, but knowing I might not get a room puts some fire to my feet.

At any rate, as a vain stab of hope I e-mailed most of the major London museums yesterday begging them to consider me. I plan to e-mail a few outside of London too. My vain hope continues! Though I also plan to apply at jobs I might actually get, like, office work and retail positions. Though bookstore-retail not Staples-retail. Nothing says bad six months like having the ESP ghost hovering dangerously around my shoulders. Speaking of Staples, I’m disappointed, the four dollar (no dollar sign on my keyboard anymore– haha.) calculator I bought there not more than a week ago had already broken. It is displaying sixes as eights, and eights as eights, so you kind of have to guess whether the number you’re looking at is £600, or £800… a huge difference, let me tell you. (Yes, I was budgeting last night)

I actually walked from my hostel to BUNAC, I didn’t get too lost, it took about an hour and 45 minutes, which is huge considering it’s only a few stops away on the tube, but I got to see the London University Campus, as well, I’m getting more of an idea where things are in this city. It’s amazing how old and new just blend together so easily here. You’ll see some buildings with really contemporary fronts have ancient tops to them. It’s quaint, in a fun kind of way. Londoners seem to be nothing but friendly too, being bitter on my first entry I never mentioned that I never had to carry my huge bag up or down huge flights of stairs, someone was always kind enough to offer. I’m really loving the atmosphere here. I have yet to have anyone comment on my accent, I keep hoping they will.

I’ve met a few people, as I said. Addy from the night before last, the french girl and the hungarian from my hostel, as well last night a woman from Hong Kong was in my room (Addy had left the morning before). Again, I got a chance to try one of my foriegn languages, and I spoke a bit of Japanese with my new Hong Kong friend. All I need is a chance to try my German! I met two people at orientation, Lydia, from the States whom I hung out with for lunch and got my phone with. And Kate, who I hung out with most of the evening, from the States as well. It was a very amusing experience to say the least, we wandered the streets of London for ages then headed out for dinner. I still haven’t gone anywhere too touristy.

Its so hard to remember what I have written here and what’s in my paper journal!

And I got the Mrs. Lovett fanlisting, thanks completely to insert name here, whom I love like no other and shall cling to as soon as I get my flat.

That’s all I really have for right now, apparently comments still aren’t working? I’ll tool around with them more today while I have more time. Love you all!

P.S. Happy Valentines Day — is it really the 14th already?

Well, just to make it completely crystal clear I’m here and I’m completely safe, I’m at BUNAC right now, using my free internet awaiting my orientation, everything that has happened up to now is a bit of a blur, but I’m getting there. The jetlag is starting to wear off, though, oddly, I am craving apple juice like no one’s business. Ahh… Applejuice.

I survived my first night in a hostel, despite the nay sayers who claimed I would be killed in my sleep. It wasn’t that bad, sort of like a dorm room with little-to-no moderation. The people there don’t actually know how to sleep I don’t think, as there were people giggling and carrying on at 12Am as well as 6Am, yikes, not a happy experience. My room mates are very nice, one from France (I tried experimental french with her, though she seemed to under stand I think she was humouring me) as well as someone from the US, and someone from Hungary. The American — Addy — and I were up late talking politics. Go Canada Go!

To my family, I got your e-mail, I called at home and at work and got nothing from you mother. Tsk Tsk Tsk. I’ll likely be getting my cellphone today, so, you’ll have a number to reach me at.

The city of Toronto looks like a bucket of spilt beads at night, and there was a baby crying my whole flight, thank god for the Sweeney Todd soundtrack. I over packed in that my luggage was wayy too heavy, but didn’t as I can’t imagine leaving anything that I brought behind. Fair, and fair alike I suppose.

I hear some people have had trouble commenting on the entries so I’ll try and tweak it so comments are more open, if you still can’t comment let me know asap and I’ll try to fix things again. I have so much more to say, but orientation starts in a few seconds!