Empty Cage

I am more than capable of being a gigantic hypocrite. I do it a freaking lot, and on this particular sticking point people are going to have to stop taking my half baked do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do advice, because there is not one iota of me that ever, ever, ever follows my own advice.

This is mostly to take a page from the ever shitty relationships book. I am not very good at making these things work, and I’m even less good at closing them off neatly. And yet, I’m your preachy asshole friend who will tell you straight-up to get over everything quickly, and don’t look back.

I’m looking at this topic now because I’m finally feeling confident about my own recent breakup. It’s only been a few months. Only. I’m probably still a little sensitive on certain subjects (like if someone mentions a deceased pigeon on a balcony I may pitch one hell of a fit) but for the most part I’m not contemplating if a huge mistake was made. It wasn’t. Phew. Dodged a bullet. Didn’t send the King of Time and Space packing, nor was he likely to develop the next Google. (God, LPG, if you do I will never forgive myself).

The thing that bothers me about these things is that I’m a poor judge of what kind of a person I like.

And even if I don’t like a person I spend a lot of time sticking in incompatable relationships because I have trouble identifying why we’re incompatible, and then I turn it into a science experiment. Why can’t we stick it out — let me get my microscope.

The analogy falls apart when I get a personal attachment problem and suddenly iiiiiiiit’s internal conflict time. Was the problem related to how neurotic I am, how neurotic he was, or was it a joint neurotic venture? We lived together, the answer in this particular case is obvious. Oh, wait, hold it right there, microscope again time!

Close friends give me the Hamlet analogy a lot. I will spend the whole of a play contemplating, weighing, thinking, pondering… that’s all I’m going to get without cracking a thesaurus. And very little time doing, doing, doing. I would say if I was even a little more of a doer than a thinker my quality of life would improve (my marks would vastly improve).

I also strongly believe that I would be a happier person too. My Arch-nemesis/very good friend has complained for years that all of my misery can be attributed back to myself. I’ll think things into oblivion, and I won’t enjoy them even a tiny bit.

So, the new goal is to stop over thinking, and over complicating matters with my thinking. To try and be friends with, and date people who I wouldn’t normally give a chance to. To let things go when they need to be let go. And most importantly, stop being terrified of failure due to a lack of omniscience. I may be pretty close, but I certainly wouldn’t call me perfect. Why lose my brain over it?

Domain names, domain names, which one can I pick?