Empty Cage

Most people who know me know of my unhealthy love of all things Alice in Wonderland. A fandom that is generally a ragtag bunch that has never made much of a splash on the internet. But, whatever, right, I can sit and fangirl over pretty much anything I like. Of course, now that Tim Burton has turned his sights on Alice everyone else is paying attention again.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to make of this film. On one hand, I’m a secret Tim Burton fan (secret because I have this phobia of being one of those gloomy emo kids). Yes, I USED to come pretty close to that classification in the good old day (though, for the record I was pretty sure I was a goth and never wore skinny jeans), but I like to think I’ve cheered up a bit. Inversely, his dark-artistic-goodness never fails to please the part of me that still wears black boots that lace up to my knees. And I know I know, ‘all his movies are the same thing’ its so full of ‘dark side gimmicks’ it makes you a bit ill, but damnit, I like Alice and I like darkness so why am I not allowed to enjoy the hell out of this film?

I’ve been saving watching the trailer of this movie for quite awhile now. I wanted it to be at the perfect time. I still haven’t seen it, but I’m starting to think that waiting is going to build it up as something more than a clip reel of the only scenes worth watching. I will fucking cry if this movie sucks, just a warning. Like actually cry, in the open. And I know, Tim Burton, don’t get hopes up… but really. I want for it to be good so badly.

Unfortunately I don’t know many people who are as excited about all things Alice as I am. But one of them has been plotting an Alice website with me for awhile, and I think now would be the time to make it if ever we are going to.

Oh, what shall I do if this movie is crap?

Yesterday’s entry is a bit dreary. I thought long and hard about what I had written here and read my comments very carefully. The big problems are the ups and downs, not just the downs. It’s very much how I imagine drugs (don’t I sound like such a prude now… Who am I kidding? I’m a huge prude. I’ve taken to lying to people about why I don’t drink to avoid feeling too lame. Hahaha! It would probably be easier to start the habit). Any ways, I guess the problem is I’m still trying to figure out what the heck I’m doing here, maybe once my head wraps around that I’ll be a bit less insecure. I really do appreciate happy little comments though, makes me less inclined to think I’ve gone completely crazy.

I hung out with Kate for most of yesterday, we chatted and had sandwitches. It is truly amazing how meeting up with a friend can make everything about a hundred times better. I mean, I was in a decidedly miserable mood, and even though nothing about the day changed a wave of something terrible, like a frighteningly potent optimism gave my liver a good twist. (Liver or gallbladder the choice was a tough one). I also had a chat with Andrew, may day looked up.

I even made a new friend, and despite spending the day wandering Camden market with her didn’t learn her name until lunch (It was Helen for those curious) Another American. I’ve met hardly any British people here — all Americans! She was very nice, she’s 27, making me feel like I’m the youngest person in the UK right now. Or at least, the most insane nineteen year old ever. Which is where the entry title comes from — I got a Bauhaus shirt in Camden market– I love it. Something small, but going somewhere with a friend, even if you don’t know their name makes everything better. Maybe being lonely has had something to do with my moods.

I keep getting distracted from this entry, I have a good old fashioned Yorkshire cold now, and am sniffling something fierce. Hopefully this entry will make me seem a bit less deranged than the last.

Of course to my commenters (no one knows how much I love comments)

Erica, who are you kidding, I was always the brains you were the… vocal cords, I was the pinnacle or awesome whilst you were my sidekick.

Amber, if I ever find them death will be the least of their worries, it will be the horrible way which they are killed! Mwahahahaha~~! And I needed the black square *sobs* The next chapter is almost finished by the way (You thought I had forgotten I’ll bet!) Obviously I’ve been a bit held up, but I’m near done.

And to Kathy, first of all, thank you very much for how helpful you’ve been to me, your comment was very thoughtful as well, and I difficult one to really reply to. That’s definately a part of it, the exposure, if you aren’t raw, real and very brash about who you think you are then you’ll be lost during this experience, but achieving that level of reality is hard because it really is leaving yourself open. While you won’t get lost you will get hurt — thinking of it like a hand over a candle, if you cover it you can burn your hand, if you don’t it can go out.