Empty Cage

So I’m off breaking the rules right now and reading other people’s blogs to figure out how “grown-ups” go about reporting their mundane lives like every second is action packed. I am, of course, starting to seriously consider lying to get an interesting blog. In fact, I’ve been planning for awhile the thought of a blog that is actually completely fanciful, but written completely seriously sort of like.

I talked to my pal Ghnugh from Mars the other day. Sheeeet. He says the food in Mongolia is terrible, and really, I’m not too shocked by this meaningful revaluation. Perhaps I am dead on the inside. In other news, I broke into the innermost vault at the Royal Bank of Canada to find all they store in there is bananas with seeds. Go figure right?

Etcetera. Etcetera. That was before I realised that I’m missing the point. These bloggers take themselves just as seriously as I do. I spend almost as much time as they do scraping together the little details of my life into something legitimately readable. For me its more an attempt to take stock of how sardonic my take on the world is before I start turning into a bleary angry mole person. That and if I ever want to write my best seller which I will totally post on the internet because that is the only publicity… man… I need all the practise I can get. (Whoops, my bad, taking a shot at the ‘Author Bloggers’ again). Here I am working on stopping my hate fest and I just can’t do it.

The problem is I am a totally schizophrenic blogger. Some days I want to be the ‘oh woe is me, this is my internet outlet, hear me whine’ writer then the next I’ve decided to be the ‘professional purpose driven, look I even have a mission statement’ reporter. Between those two comes the ‘hate filled everyone if stupid but me’ blog which usually has a perky review the next day. So, basically Empty Cage is a big huge steaming poo most of the time because I have no focus whatsoever.

Of course then I sit around thinking “Well, Jesus, I should just pick one and build me a niche” (preferably by violently clawing competition out of the niche and cuddling my blogger’s bottom in there). But then, I would need several other blogs to accommodate all of my mood swings, and really, I don’t update this (or my defunct livejournal) enough to legitimately need another blog. We happily return to square one.

I think my writer’s “voice” is best suited to a critical blog. My reviews and rants tend to be more interesting then when I try to make an interesting case for reading about my day, but even that is perilous because then you need to both have something to write about, as well as be in a constant state of either rage, disdain or both. And while this is usually the case for me I wouldn’t want to enragggggge any customers because I one day decided to mention how much I lovey-wuv my life. And by customers I mean readers, and by lovey-wuv I mean don’t hate.

At least I haven’t sold out and started paid-blogging yet. I can keep my goatee and indie scarf a few more months yet. Maaaaaaan. (More being mean to real bloggers — wheeee!) But maybe I should I could do with writing a comedic piece on some randomly selected keywords. Shit, maybe I need to stop.

What does all this circle talking mean? Mostly that we should be watching for me trying on different blogging hats for the next few weeks/months/years until people actually read my blog. Righto.

Originally posted on my Facebook:

Perhaps I’m not the only the only one feeling her steadfast apathy towards the SFUO migrating into mild irritation? I mean, let’s not overstate things, I still don’t give much of a damn what my ‘student federation’ does. However they are actually becoming hard to ignore, which is something I don’t want in my student government. In fact, if someone ran on the platform of leaving me the hell alone it might actually shake me out of my disdain for the SFUO long enough get me voting on something.

I guess I should start by pointing out that all I know about the UOttawa ‘Shitstorm’ (as the Fulcrum so eloquently put) it is hearsay and a brief skimming of the article written by our two-dimensional student newspaper, (which, to be honest, I probably only picked up to hack my way through the sudoku from hell, and ridicule the paper’s “comic artist” for having the sense of humour of a $2.99 joke book from the bargain bin at Chapters). That is to say, this is based purely on half-truths and what I think is amusing, because I am a sick sad person with nothing better to do.

For those who either don’t go to UOttawa or are blessed with the ability to never know what is going on at school I’ll give a brief synopsis of what happened from how I see it. I painstakingly avoided voting in the SFUO elections and somehow they are back and more annoying than ever, as failed presidential candidate “RPG” decides to accuse the winner of cheating (running on a slate — for shame!), using some obscure passage from a document no one cares enough about to read. Then there was some sort of investigation — people had signs at said investigation that mentioned racism, and slander, but to be honest I was too busy not giving a shit to read them too carefully. To be fair, though far be it from me to actually give a damn about who is “right” in this particular situation, the “Face it, you lost” signs really spoke to me.

But there’s nothing like walking past the newspaper stand in residence and seeing Seamus Wolf’s best politician snarl go down in mortal combat against the tented fingers of the batshit insane RPG. A moment of contemplation before you draw a curly mustache on both of them, chortling at how clever you are. You can hardly tell which one you’d rather ignore as student body president. Mr. Wolf running on a campaign of “I was on the SFUO last year and so my awesomeness now blinds you to the fact that I have no real platform” and Mr. uhm… RPG running on a platform of “I believe in RPG” which just proves that everyone is going to cash in on Heath Ledger’s death this school year. I’m not even going to comment on the Harvey Dent parallels that can be drawn because that’s just mean spirited.

Of course, maybe it’s just because the Almighty RPG intimidates me with his intelligence, clearly I need to be talked down to and given his initials because my mortal brain cannot comprehend his full name. (I’m looking at you, YHWH).

Perhaps the reason for my agitation about this whole thing is really a deep seeded one stemming from waking up for some 8:30AM class and finding myself staring through several equally pretentious candidates for half an hour wondering simultaneously if vegetarians do eat animal crackers and why I am watching infomercials when I pay $5,322.98 a year in tuition to these people. Oh, that’s right, the SFUO is important to me, and… impacts me on a daily basis. Seriously. Every day. Even Thursdays.

In conclusion, once this epic ‘Storm of Shit’ quiets I urge whoever is made SFUO president to follow in the footsteps of his predecessor, whatever his name is.

I mentioned to Amber that this blog was coming, and let’s face it, it’s long overdue.

An internet craze which seems to have yet to die, despite being around for several years is the Fanlistings, and their insane (but charming) sibling the Anime Fanlistings. (And all of their bastard children, like the Hatelistings, Physical Fanlistings, Taboolistings, and others too numerous and cumbersome to mention). Unless you are a webdesigner living under a proverbial rock you have probably at least heard of a fanlistings, and may indeed own one. (I personally own several).

A fanlisting is basically what it sounds like, an internet list of fans listed in one of the aforementioned directories. They are predated by the internet clique which went out of fashion, then the way of the dinosaurs after the fanlistings really took off. To normal and sane people this doesn’t sound to exciting, I mean, it’s a great way to show people you love a topic, it’s a great way to get a few superficial hits. And if you join a few you can put some shiny banners on your site. A fanlisting owner that doesn’t update their listing risks having it kicked out of the network, so a “bigger fan” can have it. It’s all good fun. Or so it would seem.

The thing is, The Fanlistings put in a rule, a seemingly innocent rule, but a rule that turns sweet innocent Fanlisting building and maintaining into a nightmare. Only one person can own an ‘official’ and ‘listed’ Fanlisting at a time. I’m sure we can all see where this is going.

Suddenly Fanlistings are serious business and people get ultra-competitive to own the really big ones (Like the obvious Harry Potter, for the cute Baby Goths The Nightmare Before Christmas, and whatever Anime is #1 at the moment of writing). Every day people threaten to Quit The Internet™ if they don’t get the coveted listing. And to be perfectly honest it really pisses me off. As one of those webmistresses who plays ‘now you see me, now you don’t’ on the internet, I only get approved for Fanlistings that no one else wants (also because I take a hell of a long time in the design phase). If I Quit The Internet™ every time I was rejected, I might actually do something useful.

But, while not mentioning any names (and changing all of the listings she mentions– I’ve bolded my changes, the rest are as-is) you stumble across blogs like this:

21 December 2008. – I got 1 low blow and a high five, both in the same day. I got rejected, yes, fucking rejected (I’m very very sorry, but I’ve passed from depressed to angry) for *****, yes *****. The one fanlisting Joeblow said “If they don’t give it to you my faith in manking would totally be lost” the one fanlisting I longed to own since I can remember, the one I was so desperate to have an answer for, yes, Some Actor. So I’m quiting anime fanlistings. I have not decided yet what to do with An Anime Series, I’ll probably keep it but I’m not sure and I’m definitly keeping An Anime Episode, because that fanlisting means a lot to me, it was my first fanlisting so yeah. I don’t know what to do with “Another Series!” I don’t want to close it but I don’t want to keep it but I lost the stupid members list so bah. That’s it. If I don’t get T… that book I’m waiting the response of, I’ll die. But anyway, I was trying not to die alive when I recived the most sacred email ever, Someone’s response over the adoption of Another Actor, yes, the one who used to be in my top wishlist and now is on my other wishlist, yes, my Actor, my love <3 I’m adopting him!. So, thank you so much Someone, you helped me a lot today.

I mean you’ll have to excuse my insensitivity, as this truly is the end of the entire universe.

The first thing that popped into my mind is my favourite “I’m quitting forever, you guys suck! Except, you know, I’m not” which is such a common thing on the internet. It goes back to my attention whoring, which I rant about ad nauseum. It’s just too freaking CRAZY for me.

I mean, I’m sure the girl who wrote that is perfectly sane and rational. In fact, I’ll bet she’s a perfectly sweet person. But you read that and immediately think she is out of her mind and way too dramatic for her own good. This rilled up about a website to list fans…

For the faint of mind my cute wording of escapes instead of the classic comments was switched back to the cliched comments tag. My mother can rest easy tonight knowing that I have done her will. All is now right in the world, and, do I suddenly hear the sound of beautiful birds singing sweet melodies by my ear? Okay, okay, sarcasm aside…

I’m going to talk about something of no interest to anyone but Amberlove in this next section (Unless you have been stalking the short story I have been writing for her for Birthday-Christmas-Wintereenmas), and that is the story I am writing for her. Basically, I thought of a brilliant plot twist last night a stellar ending almost as good as the one I had originally planned. So, I am at a crossroads as to which ending I would like I am drumming my fingers on the desk pondering it now. A copy of the story in question (bys the by) can be found on my fictionpress site or in the writing section of this site.

Now for some good news — I got into the University of Ottawa! Yes, that’s right, a University actually accepted me despite all my shortcomings and oddities, and you had so little faith too, Miss. Bowley, didn’t you? I’m technically registered for philosophy, (an up-and-coming degree for homelessness I hear!) but I may switch to history (homelessness and alcoholism!) I know I should probably have stuck with technology, but I can only be a young idealist once! Then I have to find a real job.

My cold has died down a bit, but I’m still feeling a bit sick, I spent all of yesterday sleeping, much to the dismay of my roommates. I had a french girl who kept checking in with her boyfriend…(Gee, I wonder why she was so upset with me?) and two Japanese girls who were very sweet and kind et all, but spoke loudly in Japanese from dusk until dawn. It was a bit irritating, because I could understand pieces of it but not enough to know what they were talking about, so I had a bit of a headache trying to tune them out.

I read for most of yesterday — The Sweet Far Thing again, Candide, Beyond Good and Evil, and Dracula again meaning I’m all but completely finished my book reserve. I only have Sartre’s Nausea left, and that was a bit heavy even for me to get through while I was ill. So I played some Nintendo DS to while away to thirty seconds it took for my to fall asleep.

Also, I also finally spoke to the elusive Mr. Powers yesterday, and he promises food! And life outside of the hostel and help in finding a job, which I could not possibly be happier about. I also applied at some CD chains and some stationary chains (Staples had to be good for something)

To my commenters:

Amber, of course I am still writing yours story (see above) I am just at a crossroads >>; (And the camera thief shall suffer muchly… just WAIT!) I’m going to try and get on AIM at a time that you are… curse the 5 hours!

Kathy, hehe! I’ve always been a fan of Britishisms, which makes my dear friends roll their eyes– but now I have an excuse!